Seasonal cravings – musings on addiction
06/01/2012 § 2 Comments
I have a fondness for chocolate. No, that doesn’t quite do it. I like chocolate but every now and then I go through phases of craving it, and the more I eat, the more I want it. So I engage in a war with myself to control my cravings. Like this Christmas.
Christmas is a bad time to try to avoid chocolate! I didn’t buy a single bar, but somehow our larder groaned with it – we won a Christmas hamper in a raffle that contained chocolate biscuits, boxes of chocolates and a whole tin of chocolates, we received two boxes from friends as gifts, my father in law (a diabetic!) sent us several packets. This all made it hard to resist.
I don’t know if it is a true addiction – I can happily go months without touching the stuff. But when I crave it, my willpower seems to vanish. Maybe that is the definition of addiction.
Why do we have all these addictions? We are all at it. For some it is alcohol or sex or drugs, excessive thinking for others, thumb sucking for my son, avoiding the truth for politicians.
I was wrestling with this the other day and started to wonder:
Is this because I feel that all the magic, the beauty and the wonder of life is out there, outside of me, and I want to make it part of me? All of it. And the addiction, the craving, is a manifestation of this.
I want to experience, touch, taste, feel it all:
– the sweet, the bitter and the sour,
– the warm, cold, rough, smooth
– the delicate, the strong,
– the strange, the familiar
– the loud, the soft
– the grand, the humble
– the crisp, the sharp.
– the dead, the living
– the all and the nothing.
I want to be it, hold it close, all at once, now, here. I feel separated from all this life, separated by my fears, my petty desires, my laziness and ignorance, my day-dreaming. I feel it keenly, this separation, this cold isolation.
And I know the cure is to be found not in giving in to these cravings that will never be satisfied. The cure is to be found in emptiness, not fullness. Through making space, not rushing to fill space. Through trusting, waiting, not panicking.
Through simply being.
It’s hard to be human sometimes, isn’t it? When really, it ought to be so easy…